Divorcing a Narcissist in BC: A Lawyer's Guide

Author: SiLaw Group Family Lawyers
Date: Mar 10, 2023
Reading time: 2 min read

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What Drives Narcissistic Behaviour in Divorce

Bill Eddy, a family therapist and mediator, explains that people with narcissistic behavior blame others and do not take responsibility for their actions because they feel helpless, vulnerable, weak, and like victims since childhood. In Eddy's view, it is caused by a combination of genetic tendencies, early childhood experiences, and the culture they live in.

The courts can stop their unrestrained behavior to some extent, but Eddy cautions it is not a lasting solution if they have a personality disorder because it is an enduring pattern of behavior that they will repeat. Courts can order them to get treatment for their disorders.

The CARS Method

"It is not a good idea to try to defeat a narcissist, but it is better to try to manage the relationship at arm's length by using the CARS Method to reduce emotional involvement and find solutions that help them keep calm and feel respected."

Learn about the CARS method in Bill Eddy's book Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Protecting Children from High-Conflict Parenting

High conflict parents, such as narcissists and sociopaths, often overload their kids with their own problems, which leads to alienation of the children. Children learn all-or-nothing solutions to interpersonal problems, making it harder for them in their adult relationships.

High conflict parents need treatment or to take a parent training program that teaches both parents to use flexible thinking, managed emotions, moderate behavior and to check themselves. Extreme cases need court orders that may severely limit the child's contact with the disordered parent, but "no contact" orders are not recommended.

Settling Privately and Pacing Yourself

Narcissists are concerned about their public image, so it is better to agree to a reasonable private settlement than to have all their problems brought out in court.

Divorcing a narcissist can cause a severe loss of self-esteem, financial burden, and take a toll on a person emotionally, mentally, financially, and economically.

In Eddy's experience, high conflict court cases typically last 2-3 years, and then a narcissist often moves on/into other relationships. It is best to find ways to pace oneself for the duration, get support from friends and family, and handle the conflicts in a matter-of-fact way. If litigation looks unavoidable, understanding the contested divorce process in BC can help you prepare for that duration.

Divorcing a narcissist can cause a severe loss of self-esteem, financial burden, and other stresses, but reading Eddy's book called "Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder" can help to prepare oneself and not take the situation personally.

Interested in a lawyer with some understanding about this type of issue? Call us at SiLaw Group Family Lawyers for your first free consultation.